SURVIVAL

KALE

   

Chapt. 1 - First Warning, the Strategic Evacuation

Before April 30th, 1975, news about the loss of some provinces in Central Vietnam made me so worry. Being an intelligence officer of South Vietnamese Government, what would happen for me when the Communists took over Saigon? I heard and saw about the mass killing in Hue when the Communists came to that city of Central Vietnam in Mau Than New Year, 1968 (the year of the monkey). The Communists tied people together by barbed wire and buried them alive; the Communists forced people to dig their own graves and shot them in there.... The evacuations of hundred of thousands' people from many cities in Central Vietnam proved that the people were afraid of the Communists. The Communists of Vietnam (VC) caused consternation to everyone in my country even innocent people. Under the revolution label, VC found the war to conquer South Vietnam; they established the National Liberation Front (NLF) and began the war against the government of the Republic of Vietnam that they called pseudo-government (fake government or puppet administration) of South Vietnam.

When the US Armed Forces came into South Vietnam, the VC changed the Vietnam War to become the war to fight against the so-called "American Empire". They identified American with French; they put that war and the war against French Colonialists in a same category. Actually, the Communists had despoiled the credit of the Vietnamese people from the war against French, and then they conquered North Vietnam to become a Communism country. Vietnam was dividing to two countries by the Geneva Agreement: North Vietnam Communism and South Vietnam Democracy. The two countries would develop separately waiting for a negotiation to reunify. The political system of the country would depend on the people in the whole country in a universal suffrage under the control of an international organization. I didn't want to mention here about the history of my country because there were many books written about those, but some details linked with the reason of my staying while hundred of thousands' people evacuated from my country.

My father had joined the League for the Independence of Vietnam (called Viet Minh), an association that had been founded by the Communists to reunite the people to fight against French Colonialists. He was killed in that war in 1952 before the Geneva Agreement, so I was a son of a family having a hero who died in the war, a "martyr" as the Communists called it. I did not know anything about my father for he died when I was only seven, and he left the family into a secret zone when I was two. I heard that he was a financial cadre of guerilla men. On their way of mission, he and his friend were ambushed and were killed after they shot two soldiers of the foreign legion and a French soldier. I used to be proud of my father. I had three cousins who regrouped to North Vietnam in 1954, and I heard that they used to study in the Socialism countries. My uncle, my father's elder brother, was also a Communist; he had been kept in Con Non Prison from 1956 to 1962. After released, he continued to work for the VC and died in 1970; he was a martyr as well! With such a family, sometimes I simply thought that the VC would not "punish" me once they came into Saigon.

On the other hand, I usually heard that the Communists didn't care about family, about religion, about country; they worshiped their Communists Party only! In that dilemma, I could not imagine how they would treat me when thing happened!

The lack of understanding about Communism, about the Communists, made me and many others in South Vietnam became confused about Communism and Patriotism. When I was young, I used to admire some Communists, especially Ho Chi Minh and Vo Nguyen Giap, whom I identified as patriots. I also identified the Vietnam War with the war between Vietnamese and French Colonists. I wrote many patriotic poems and showed them up in student's magazines. In addition, the chaos of leadership in South Vietnam from the president Ngo Dinh Diem to the president Nguyen Van Thieu made the people in South Vietnam wait for a stable and strong government that could build a better country. Most of the people in South Vietnam often look upon the Government of North Vietnam as a pattern of what they wanted. Pham Van Dong, the prime minister of North Vietnamese Government from 1954 to 1975 was a positive proof of stability, perhaps! Although many worse things about Communism happened in Soviet Union, in China, and in Eastern Europe, we hoped that the Communists of Vietnam would be better. Public trials in North Vietnam in the land reform period after 1955 with scenes of children accusing their parent, wives accusing their husbands, were not enough to convince the people to hate the Communists. Images of mass killing in temporary occupation zones of the VC were skeptically seen as the strategic propaganda of South Vietnamese Government. People were confused between good and bad about the Communists. They could not distinguish Patriotism and Communism! The fear and the admiring mixed together made the people not worry about the Communists any longer.

The strategic evacuations from Ban Me Thuot, Da Nang were announced as a carrying out of the Paris Peace Accords. I didn't know anything about the tenor of the Paris Peace Accords, especially the secret treaties that I have heard about the dividing by the 12th parallel at Phan Rang, a province in Central Vietnam, for the National Liberal Front. The greater part of what I heard was just rumors! In a country having chaotic situation, rumors usually were more trustworthy than what the government informed.

Although being an intelligence officer of South Vietnam government, I never learned about Communism. In my daily duties, I fought against the undercover organizations of Students in the University of Saigon. I only knew that those organizations were offspring of the Ho Chi Minh Labor Youth Union, an organization of the VC. I retook the Students' Association of the College of Science in 1972 from the Bung Song group, an undercover organization of the VC. Even though the radio of the National Liberal Front announced my death penalty for that success, I indifferently heard that news. They only knew my code name, and more over, I was still living in my region. To the contrary, if the Communists took over Saigon, what would happen for me? My anxiety and my misunderstanding were mixed together; I didn't know what I had to do!

Chapt. 2 - That Was Happening In My Family

On April 19th, 1975 after leaving my wife in her office, I came to my mother's house as usual. I met Tai, my brother who just came home from Da Nang. He was an interpreter sergeant in South Vietnam Navy. Da Nang was a big city in Central Vietnam and was also an important harbor of South Vietnam. Tai had only his clothes on because he had been through many hardships to reach home. He recalled horrible things that he had seen on his way from Da Nang to Saigon. On a ship, a woman gave him her baby for she was looking for her other lost child; after that she disappeared in a crowd. He didn't know what to do and how to hold the baby going home for a long trip, so he put the baby in the arms of a stranger and ran away. People crowded together climbing onto any ship; many drowned falling into the sea.

"Why didn't you go abroad?" I asked.

"They ordered us to go to Saigon and to fight against the VC."

Did you see any VC in Da Nang?"

"No, I didn't see anything except the people evacuated from Da Nang. They ordered us to leave Da Nang and gave up that city for the VC, but we didn't see any VC in that city. I don't know why we failed without any fighting."

"Did you hear about the secret treaties of the Paris Peace Accords?"

"They said many things about that, but I didn't hear officially even when they ordered us to leave Da Nang."

"How did you get home?" I asked curiously.

"First I took my ship to Cam Ranh. From there to Vung Tau, I climbed onto a ship of US Navy because I am an interpreter."

"Why didn't your ship go to Saigon?"

"I don't know; it straightened to Phu Quoc Island."

"What did you see on your way to Saigon?"

"People were frightened; they talked about the VC and massacres though no one saw any VC in their cities. They crowded together on the way to ports. They loaded everything possible on their motorcycles, on their bicycles, or on their shoulders. Children cried for lost their parents; someone lay dead on sidewalks. Thousands of people left their home hearing the VC coming or our military units withdraw. You are working in the Central Intelligence Organization; do you know about a plan of the Government or the US for the future of our country?" He asked me unexpectedly.

"No, I didn't," I was somewhat puzzled how to answer.

My brother was four years younger than I was; he had been an interpreter for the US Armed Forces Unit at the Long Binh barrack from 1968. When the US Armed Forces withdrew from Vietnam in 1972, he was transferred to the Vietnam Navy in the same rank and had the duty of an interpreter for the supply base of Vietnam Navy in Da Nang. Tai looked somewhat like me with his soft hair, his thick lips, and his square face. My mother said that he was more like my father than I was. Sometimes I felt a little jealous with that judgment.

I asked my brother to use mine to change his clothes because he was so dirty after ten days coming home. About 10am, my cousin Lan came from his fort at the Saigon harbor. He was a warrant officer in Vietnam Navy. He joined the Army in 1962 and worked as a communication officer in the headquarters of South Vietnam Navy in Saigon. He came to ask me to prepare to go abroad with him when necessary.

"I think my Organization has its own plan," I replied to him, "In an urgent case, I'll see you right away!"

I didn't know actually what to do. Hearing about the tense situation of my country, I was so confused. We would fight against the VC if they came into Saigon; why should we leave our country without fighting? Our Armed Forces were strong. Our weapons were enough even if the US no longer helped us. I just didn't know why we failed when we were gaining victors in the battles and in the rear. The withdrawal of our military units from many provinces of Central Vietnam without fighting created a frighten effect on the people. People evacuated from their cities though they didn't see any VC. The country became more chaotic than ever.

I looked at the street in front of the house. The motorcycle and bicycle repair shop was still opening. The grocery store was still noisy. The tailor and the barber shop were still having some guests. Some hawkers shouted their wares. Pedestrians were not in a hurry. Autos, motorcycles, and bicycles still moved back and forth. Everything looked normal; there was not a sign of war. The people in Saigon lived too familiar with the war since 1945; they heard indifferently the sound of guns except that happened next to them.

In 1954, a million people from North migrated to South Vietnam; they said many horrible things about the Communists, but the people in South Vietnam were always skeptical. They thought that the people came to South Vietnam to seek a chance to make fortune because North Vietnam was poor. In the minds of South Vietnamese people, Communism and Socialism meant nothing but poverty. Propaganda of South Vietnam government could not convince the people to hate the Communists. The people often thought of their interests than the ideal of anti-Communism. In addition, most people thought that they would have time to leave when the VC came into Saigon: The migration of a million people from North Vietnam after the Geneva Agreement was a precise proof.

I still believed on a plan of retreat of my Organization when necessary, but I thought thing was not bad enough! I never planned to go to the US or any other country. I would stay in my country if the Communists let me be a normal citizen, if there would not be revenge. On the other hand, I thought that South Vietnam would be temporarily a neutral country when the war was over. A discussion for the reunion of Vietnam would be set after that. During that time, I could choose whether to stay or to leave.

The Vietnam War was a civil war or a war between Communists and Capitalists, a liberation war or an idealization war. Those were just the words! Vietnamese people wished to end that war though they didn't know what would happen after that. More than a hundred years living in the war, the people were more discouraged than any others in the world. So was I! I was born in 1945, the year of the Second World War; Japanese conquered our country from French Colonists. I lived in the three wars, against Japan, French, and the so-called revolution war. I only wanted peace for my country. My hope was as simple as the request of the American people when they gathered to ask their soldiers to leave Vietnam immediately. Living on the other side of the Pacific Ocean, they didn't know anything about Vietnam, about the anguish of Vietnamese people who ought to bear the weight of the war between Communists and Capitalists. Thousands of US soldiers were killed in the Vietnam War shaking the American people and the whole world. What about the millions of Vietnamese people who died in the war? My thought made me so angry! Tears came to my eyes.

Chapt. 3 - The Tragic Situation

I had an appointment with my undercover agents at noon in the Sing-Sing restaurant at Phan Dinh Phung Street. Le, one of my agents who used to be a chairman of the students in the College of Science asked me.

“Do you have a plan when the VC takes over Saigon?”

“No, I don't!” I replied embarrassingly.

“I am going to go abroad in a few days; should you go with me?” Le asked.

“I think it's too early. I have to ask my boss first. Do you have any information for me?” I asked him about his jobs to avoid his questions.

“The Bung Song group is rising in the College after a long disappearance.”

“I knew that; did you see Hoan and Thang?”

"Bung Song" group was an undercover organization of the VC founded in the College of Science from 1965; Hoan and Thang were two leaders of that group. When I took over the Students Association of the College of Science from that group in 1972, the Bung Song group disappeared. Hoan and Thang hid into a secret zone of the VC. We captured Giau, the chief of Bung Song.

“I didn't see Hoan and Thang yet.” Le replied.

“I have to see my boss. See you here tomorrow at 10am.”

That was the last time I saw Le because he didn't show up on April 20th. I thought he had gone away from the country.

I came to the safe house at Phan Thanh Gian Street. Though it was about 2 pm, almost all personnel were waiting for my boss, Long. We wanted to know about the situation of our country and the plan of our Organization. Dep, the secretary of my boss told us that Long had a meeting in the Independence Palace. I thought that he was attending a meeting with the top leaders and the president Nguyen Van Thieu but could not ask anyone to make sure. After an F-5 aircraft flown by Nguyen Thanh Trung, a 26 year-old South Vietnam air force lieutenant, had tried to bomb the president last week, Mr. Thieu was hanging himself on in the palace.

My boss, Long was too young with the age of 35. He was a little fat with his hair thin and curly, so everyone in the Organization called him “Curly-Long” to distinguish from some other Longs. His skin burned brown for Long liked to play tennis at noon; he walked fast though his legs were short. I heard that Long was a distant relative with Mrs. Thieu, the first lady. He also lived in My Tho, a province of South Vietnam, next door with Mrs. Thieu's family. I didn't know if that was true, but I thought Long was talented. He worked hard too; someone said that Long was single and also high educated that rarely happened in the Organization authorized mostly by military officers. Long had graduated from the College of Law and from the National Institute of Administration.

In our daily duty, we had to work without limit of time. Sometime we worked until 2 or 3am, had something to eat, and then did our jobs again. Other time, we slept all day to regain our health. I never had a chance to take my vacation while I was working for the A17 detachment. The political situation in Saigon was very chaotic. Students in the University of Saigon and the University of Van Hanh (the University of Buddhism) demonstrated everyday asking for peace. Most of the demonstrations of students were induced by the VC and by some political parties discontented with the administration. The center of the opposition located at the An Quang pagoda. I didn't know much about the purposes of political parties, but I thought that to create a chaos in the country having a war was to help the enemy.

Long came to the safe house at about 3pm. He looked tired and tardy. We were waiting for a bad news! Throwing his suitcase on the table, he began in a low tone.

"I had a meeting today; they didn't explain the situation of our country. They only said that we have to arrange everything depending on what we see. The US abandoned us, so we must fight the enemy by ourselves. I will see you tomorrow in the headquarters to discuss what we are going to do."

In those unclear words, we understood the tragic situation of our country. We were just chess pieces on the chessboard of the great nations. They came here on behalf of peace and left here on behalf of peace too. We had to fight against the Communists by ourselves, not only the Communists of Vietnam but also the Communists in the whole world! The US and the Allies finished their aid that meant we ought to bear the weight of the war by ourselves. We were not afraid of great sacrifice of blood and bone, but afraid of the breach of faith.

I met Tuan and Banh, my close friends, in front of the safe house. Banh told me Thuan and Giang have gone! Banh used to be the Chairman of Students in the College of Law in 1973. Thuan and Tuan used to work with me in the same group when we joined the Organization. We collected information from the Association of Students in the University of Saigon and from the anti-government groups of the so-called "the Third Power" in the years 1969-1970 before we joined the A17 mission. (Our mission had a code name A17 because there were seventeen colleges in the University of Saigon). Giang was my partner. He married to a wealthy family; they went away when they felt dangerous for their lives. I thought Thuan left the country with his brother's family because they worked in the Tan San Nhat airport. We understood their giving up; they had to take care of their lives and their families first.

"How are your plans?" I asked Banh and Tuan.

"We don't have any yet. We think we have to wait for the plan of the Organization because we don't have any means. How is yours?" Banh smiled away his worry.

"I think we will have a plan tomorrow." I tried to keep calm. I didn't know what to do. Climbing onto a ship in the Saigon harbor across from our headquarters or into airport to take an airplane, I could do that by myself, but how about my wife with her unborn child; she was eight-months pregnant. I only waited for a plan of my Organization that would be safer for my wife.

I married in 1972 three years after met my wife. We saw each other in November 1969; the very first day we started to work for the Organization and also her twentieth birthday. My wife's sister and brother in-law were working in the Organization too. When I met her in the Human Resources office, I was very amazed because she was too young to work for the Intelligence Agency! She just graduated from high school. After three years married, she got pregnant and was very happy. That was actually her second pregnancy; she had the first miscarriage on the second month. She was totally desperate when a doctor said that she could not carry any child because of her disease. I brought her to many kinds of physician even some quacks. One oriental physician told that she could give my wife some medicine for her only child, and that was the child she was carrying. Our lives in those days were so peaceful. She worked for the Human Resources Department in the Headquarters; I usually drove her to her office every morning and picked her up every afternoon. I rarely came into the Headquarters because I worked in a mission detachment. Our salaries were not enough for our lives, so I taught chemistry for some private high schools in Saigon; that was my second job and also my cover.

If our lives flowed peacefully like that, I should not write this memoir! Those tragic events occurred to change everything for my life and for my people. Millions Vietnamese left their native country in exile around the world. Hundreds of thousand officers of South Vietnamese Government and Armed Forces were kept in the so-called re-education camps from South to North Vietnam and many of them were dead in those camps. Vietnam became a poorest country in the world. Were those our mistakes? I don't want to blame anyone else, but what could we do? We didn't know even how to save ourselves. How could we fight against the Communists in the whole world when we were tied by the abandonment of the great nation and the Allies? I was not a leader of the Republic of Vietnam. I didn't know anything about strategies of the Vietnamese Government, but I thought that the so-called strategies of small countries were only tactics of a great country! We could fight against the VC and should be dead for our country. I didn't deny that, but what we could do when they forced us to give up our forces. I heard many criticisms blaming the Vietnamese Government especially the leaders of the Republic of Vietnam to the loss of South Vietnam. I didn't know if that was true, but I thought we had to accept our faults not to blame for others even the leaders. I didn't make an excuse for them. I only said to understand the truth. We were confused about the safety for us and the fate of our country, between leaving and staying. I thought those who left Vietnam was not exactly cowards, who stayed were not exactly heroes. Everyone had his or her own circumstances and opportunities, and now I am trying to remember my circumstance to know why I was staying!

I came to pick up my wife from her office at Number 3 of Bach Dang Street, across from the Saigon Harbor. The port looked normal; the warships of South Vietnam Navy were still lying alongside of each other. Some naval soldiers and officers walked along the sidewalk by the Navy's headquarters. The Prime Minister Palace quietly stood underneath the blossom of the big old Banyan tree. Some soldiers stood still guarding in front of the buildings. The Bach Dang Street from Nguyen Hue Boulevard to Thong Nhat Street was a restricted area; only personnel who worked there could go in. I tried to find something unusual, but couldn't! I asked myself how could everything seemed so normal like that in a disorderly situation of the country.

I asked my wife when she sat behind me on my motorcycle, “Did you hear a plan of our Organization?"

"No, I didn't! What's happening? Some body said that our chief would be going away, and Mr. Loc, the assistance, takes that position. That was just a rumor. I saw Mr. Binh this morning."

"I don't know exactly what's going on yet, but I think there will be a tragic situation that could lead to the loss of our country."

My wife didn't understand about political matters. She didn't pay attention to anything but our daily life. I remembered when the Democratic Party of the president Thieu showed up to public, flag of that party was opposite of flag of North Vietnam with a red star in the yellow background; I joked with her that those were the flags of the VC. Horrified, she told me to turn another way to avoid them! I didn't know what she would say if my joke came true, if flags with a yellow star in the red background were hanging everywhere in Saigon! I laughed with my thought to cover my worries.

I came to my parents-in-law's home. My wife's sister working in the Division of Study told me that she saw some bad news from the report papers sent to the president that she typed everyday. The tragic situation of our country especially in the provinces of Central Vietnam was happening after the president ordered to withdraw the military units from Ban Me Thuot through the Seventh Inter-Provincial Road. Thousands of people died on the road that reporters named Horror Avenue. I have read about that in newspapers, but I didn't know what would happen next, especially a plan for my country due to treaties of the Paris Peace Accords. I wanted an explanation from my leaders. Working in the Organization belonging to the President, I thought there would be a plan for us when something happened.

Linh, my sister in law's husband said, "I don't think the VC could come to Saigon."

"How can you be sure?" I interrupted.

Linh was working in the Division of Training. He got a little hesitant before answering, "I heard that we gave up our land from twelfth parallel to seventeenth parallel for the VC and form a rigid front line from Tuy Hoa to prepare a negotiation with the VC and North Vietnam due to the secret treaties of the Paris Peace Accords."

"Do you think we would be able to fight against the VC without the aids of the American?"

"I think we could. In the Mau Than New Year, we didn't have any new weapons as M16, but we still won the VC with AK. Now we have many!"

"After the battles in Southern Laos, our Armed Forces were weaker; I don't know if we could deal with a general attack like the Mau Than New Year."

"The battle on the Ninth road in Southern Laos was a regicide! The VC knew everything about our tactics. I thought that was the Americans who didn't want us to have the strong Armed Forces that they could not directly control."

"All of our thoughts were just our guesses. We didn't have any explanation from our leaders. Now I think we have to do what we are going to do. We need to have our own plan not to expect our leaders any longer."

"How can we do it?" Linh suddenly asked.

"That was a reason we came here. My wife and I couldn't do anything, but all of us could probably form an idea!"

We silently looked at each other. I thought no one could find out anything, so I broke a heavy silence, "We must think about it and will see tomorrow."

On the way home, I passed by the Ben Thanh market, a business center of Saigon and of South Vietnam. Traffics bustled on the pavements. Merchandises filled on the sidewalks. People crowded in the shops. Some couples were wandering side by side on the Le Loi sidewalk. Things looked like everyday. I could not identify the air of war. The cafeteria "La Pagode" at Le Lai Street where I usually enjoyed coffee and music was still opening; sounds of the familiar music softly echoed when I drove by. Tolls of the bells from the Notre Dame Cathedral calmed my soul. I was a Buddhist, but I loved those sounds because of their lovely rhythm. The huge building of the US Ambassador stood proudly across from the quiet building of the United Kingdom Ambassador on Thong Nhat Street. Some US marine-corps, in combat uniforms and M16 rifles in their hands, stood by the gate of the building and in two blockhouses at the corners.

We came to Thanh Da condominiums where we were living. The family of my sister in law lived in the upper level; they already came home. We just moved in some weeks ago, so we had only a few things in the house: a set of cane chairs in the living room, a mattress on the floor in the bedroom, some cooking wares in the kitchen. Dining room was still empty. I looked out of the window. The Thanh Da River sparkled in the sunset. Some canoes cleaved waves far away. Lines of coconut tree across the river quietly reflected their images on the surface of water. The pale violet color of the sky and the dark green color of trees combined to form a harmonized painting. I loved to enjoy a life like that, but what would happen for me in such a situation of my country! An anxiety suddenly covered my mind.

The knocks on the door interrupted my thought. Linh came to chat with me as usual, yet I saw his sadness instead! Linh and Lan, my sister in law, had two sons. I didn't remember how long they married; their sons one was about three and one just a few months of age. Linh emigrated from North Vietnam in 1954 and was working in the Organization. They met each other there, too. High about 5 feet 6 inches with his long face always having a smile, Linh gained easily sympathy for everyone. Accompanied with Linh was Hao who used to be my friend in the College of Science working in the Organization and attached to the Police Forces. Hao just married some months ago. I asked Hao if he knew anything, but he shrugged his shoulders only.

I started when we seated in the balcony, "Do you know exactly what happened in the battles of Xuan Loc?"

"The general Dao used most of his troops in that battle field. He wanted to stop the VC and waiting for aids of the US," Hao judged.

"I don't think the US supports us any longer! The president Gerald Ford has failed to ask the Congress for the aid of 722 million dollars," Linh assured. "Now we must rely on ourselves."

"Do you think Mr. President of France, Valery Giscard d'Estaing, could help to seek a proper plan for Vietnam?" I asked despairingly.

"That was the last effort of French to help Vietnam, and I think that was also the only hope for us. Hao shrugged his shoulders again.

The difficulty was that we were working in the organization of intelligence, but we didn't know any plan for the country. We knew only information in newspapers and magazines from foreign countries. In those days, news from magazines such as Newsweek and Time or from the radios such as Voice of America and British Broadcasting Company seemed to have the purpose of destroying our country. The new "War Cabinet" of the president and the new civil Prime Minister Nguyen Ba Can could not manage the bureaucracy. People confused about rumors spreading thoroughly. Except for some wealthy who could pay about eight thousand dollars for a passport, others had no chance to escape from the country when the VC coming even those who worked for the US and for the South Vietnamese Government and Armed Forces. We were waiting for the Americans to help us as the president of the US tried to ask for the US Congress to give aid to rescue two hundred thousands of South Vietnamese who had worked closely with the Americans during the war. What a tragedy to put our lives in the hand of another!

The Paris Peace Accords was a victor for both the VC and the Americans. The falling of Phnom-Penh was beginning for the crisis in the Indochina peninsula. What would happen to our country next? The horrible crash of the C-5A aircraft last week killing many orphans still spread suspicion about the abandonment of the Americans. With orphans almost "half American" already gone, we didn't know about our fates. Should the US be more likely to rescue us when worst thing happened, or that was the only thing they had done in our country before they gave up. Why should we not seek a way to rescue ourselves? I asked Linh and Hao about an opportunity to evacuate when necessary.

"We don't have money to buy a passport, so I think we must rely on the plan of our Organization," Linh sadly said.

"I hope our Organization already had a plan. I cannot think that an intelligence organization didn't have a plan to help its agents in a concrete situation." Hao said without certainty.

"Our headquarters is very close to the harbor; I think we could climb onto a ship. We mostly worried about our families." I said disappointedly thinking of my wife.

We knew that our families were always the first things we were concerned about, and what we discussed usually was about the safety for our families. I used to hear a proverb that those who lost the country lost the family. And propaganda about "the blood bath" when the VC coming was always haunted my mind. I didn’t scare of death if my family would be safe, but I was concerned about the misery of my family when worst things happened.

A quiet moment occurred after my talk. I didn't know how to break the silence, so I recalled what I had heard from my boss. I came to a conclusion without meaning, "Perhaps we will know something tomorrow."

Hao said good-bye. Linh and I went to his sister's home. His brother-in-law was a director in the Department of Information. He was not home, and we made an appointment for tomorrow.

We came home hopelessly. Linh told me to pack our stuffs to be ready. My wife and I had only one small suitcase from our honeymoon, so I borrowed Linh his military kit bag for ease of carrying and helping my wife because she was too heavy. I put some of our clothes and something for our unborn child. I joked with my wife that if our child were born on the way to escape, we would name him "Evacuation" to remind us of the event. We laughed to cover our worry.

.......CONTINUE ..........

KALE